Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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