You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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