I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
