You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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