Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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