I feel great
I just peed on a car
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
