to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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