Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
