....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
