I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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