So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
