shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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