Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
