Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize