So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
