I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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