She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
