I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize