I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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