Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
