Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
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I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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