i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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