Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
