THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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