nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
