She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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