i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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