Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
