My sheets look like a crime scene.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
