The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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