right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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