he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
