She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
