planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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