How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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