She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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