he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
