I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
