The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
