Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Do you still have your period?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
