Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
