I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
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No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
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He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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