I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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