You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
