Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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