I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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