Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
