roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
