And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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