Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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