There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
