Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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