A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
