Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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