the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
