Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
