Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
