i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
