I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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