help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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