Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
