My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
