we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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