If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
