I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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