Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Mom said you looked used
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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