I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
