I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I supernannyed him into submission
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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