4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
