I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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