I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
