bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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