Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
