Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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