If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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