The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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