mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
