Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
